AJ8806

TEN FUN FACTZ ABOUT DUCKZ

2011-04-18T02:10:00.000-04:00

Ducks have webbed feet for swimming.
All ducks have both male and female sex organs, tucked in an all purpose orifice called a cloaca.
After her eggs have hatched, the mother duck is immediately set-upon and devoured by her ducklings – just one of the many beautiful and gory spectacles of nature.
Scientists estimate that, worldwide, there are almost 11,000 ducks! That’s twice the population of Gary Indiana.
Most people know that ducks migrate south during the winter. Not many people know that ducks migrate underground for two months in early spring. Subterranean ducks can be identified by small divots in the topsoil and the muffled sound of quacking.
Modern ducks subsist almost entirely on discarded scraps of bread. If mankind wasn’t around, they'd starve to death. Ornithologists tell us that this is the only reason they haven't killed us all yet.
Ornithology is not a real science.
Duck eggs have red yolks, and are prized on the seedy back streets of Paris as a rare ingredient in the forbidden black culinary arts.
Beware! Statisticians warn us that approximately 2 out of every 5 ducks are actually small dogs.
Ducks can understand Polish. Unfortunately, this is true of all ducks, even the American ones.

A Letter of protest to our new giant spider overlords.

2011-04-18T00:33:00.003-04:00

Dear Giant Spider Overlords,

Now, I've never written a letter like this - I consider myself a reasonable man by nature, and apolitical by choice. So when you boys first erupted from the cursed earth, disemboweled our leaders, and unilaterally declared yourselves to be our new sovereigns, while others may have raised a stink, I took a “wait-and-see” approach. I've never been much interested in politics, and its not like you boys could muck it up more than the last guy, right? (ha ha!)

Well damned if the nay-sayers weren’t onto somethin'. I venture to say I'd be eating crow right about now, if you hadn't responded to dissent by dissolving your opponents with your horrible ichor. (so I guess I do have something to thank you for!) Point is, if possible, things are actually worse than they were under the previous administration!

I ain't one to complain, but the situation has gotten rather dire. You have yet to address the pothole problem on main street, which is just a real embarrassment for our town. The local high school is still dead last in our county in terms of test scores, and property taxes just keep going up! Worse yet, downtown's been on fire since Monday, only we haven't been able to put it out because you rent all the firetrucks in twain with your abominable bristling appendages.

Sure, sure, I'll give you credit where credit is due. Crime has been down since you destroyed everything of value and feasted on the entrails of even the most petty of parking violators. I've been saying for years that mayor Wilkinson was soft on crime, and I guess it took a eldrich army of ten story lava spiders to show us how its done. But this one bright spot on your record hardly excuses the sorry condition you've left our sleepy little town in.

And I don't know how they do things down there in the forgotten realm of nez'aghul, birthplace of all sorrow, but here in America, we got a little thing called FREEDOM OF RELIGION. And IN a Christian nation, we do NOT burn down all the churches in town and erect at its center an enormous black spire in worship of Shaggaroth, the blood god. We ALSO do not sacrifice law-abiding Christian citizens at its base, in hopes of bringing about the great undoing. As a straight shooter, I gotta call that what it is: taxation without representation, and our founding fathers fought a WAR between the states to stop it.

Well, I've taken up enough of your time, and it seems that a terrorbeast is currently laying a clutch of eggs in my spine, so I'll be brief. If you want my vote and the vote of other like-minded citizens next november, you'll take my criticisms to heart. After all, wasn't it Thomas Jefferson who said Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Shagoth R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn

Yo, I aint dead

2011-04-18T00:31:00.001-04:00

this blog seems to be, though

Might be postin again soon.

Watch this space.